You are a Manbeque

2006-06-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

You know, this guy is the stupidest person on Earth.

Except Adumb Shah.

Comedy Gold

2006-05-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

You can't get much better than this.

So tonight Amanda and I went to Spanky's and got some Body Butter, but we didn't use it. She was too tired. So we just layed down in my bed, and I held her. It's still the most amazing sensation in the world to feel her skin against mine.

Ahh, 18-year old Jason over at Do what now? won't be doing too well when Amanda from Welcome to my life... tells him she had his best friend's balls on her face.

Also, Amanda is old enough to know that she needs bangs. Stat.

Two faggots talk about the first time they sucked cock

2006-05-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Anal bleaching

2006-05-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

I hate to break the news to you, but you probably have dark skin around your pooper.

If you wish you didn't, you can always get your anus bleached.

What's that you say? "I wish I could see a video that explains anal bleaching to me. And I wish that video contained the phrase, butt skin."

Here at The Manbeque Pit, we've got you covered.

Help me learn

2006-05-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

Since there is at least one black person--you know, the one who posts pictures of her ashy cooch--who reads this page, it's time we answer some questions.

Do black men really not go down on their women?
Why do black men like to date overweight white women?
What's up with asking for plastic cutlery when you guys go out to eat?
Why don't black people tip well?
Does black bush feel like Velcro?
Sometimes I'm told, "If you don't know, you really better ask somebody." Who should ask? Just any person? What if that person doesn't know? And what am I supposed to ask?

I demand answers.

A helpful tip

2006-05-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

When you decide to create a web site to share naked pictures of yourself with the world, please rotate your pictures so that I don't have to tilt my head to see how ugly you are.

Who Is Your Favorite Simpsons Character?

2006-05-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

Mine is Homer.

Hickory Dickery Dock

2006-05-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Honey Mustard, and the topic of docking came up.

Honey Mustard said, "Cajun, I've never heard of that."

Ring the bell, because school's in session.

Docking involves two guys, at least one of whom is uncircumsised. I know, it sounds gross already, since uncut weiners are pretty gross. Lets say that Guy A--lets call him Adumb Shah--is circumsised, and Guy B--lets call him Sandeep--is uncircumsised.

You can probably guess what happens next. If you have a poor imaginiation, check out the pictures, which indeed, are worth 1,000 words. Each.

Adumb puts his mushroom tip into Sandeep's kangaroo-like foreskin pouch, and hmm, I guess some stroking back and forth takes place. I was going to try to find a short film that describes the action, but alas, I don't want my computer to go gay. That, and I really don't want to see a movie that shows a man buffing his mushroom tip with another man's smegma.

Aren't you glad you visited The Manbeque Pit today?

Also, in the top picture, Adumb is on the right, and on the bottom picture, he is on the left.

Tooly McToolerson

2006-05-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Why do people enjoy putting pictures of themselves on the interwebs whilst eating? I see some baby fat....

You can find this tool at http://grantmeserenity.blogspot.com/.

2 New Terms

2006-05-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

1.) Foot Vag. I learned about this term while reading a post from an un-named blogger about someone "fucking their arches".

I said to Cajun Manbeque, "How could someone fuck another's arches?" I then learned of the foot vag. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, exhibit 1.

It can be made tighter or looser, for your preference, with a few small adjustments.

2.) Assal, wangal, and pussal. This refers to the region in which you are referring to.

Example 1: "Anytime he puts something in my sweet, sweet ass, my entire assal area burns with desire."

Example 2: "I hate it when my doctor goes anywhere near my wangal area."

Get it? Got it? Good.

Too Much Motherfucking Information

2006-05-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, Honey Mustard and I run into a web site that is solid gold.

There's no real set of qualities or properties that a notable web site must. We just know when we've found a keeper.

Granted, the following quote was a good indicator:

"It was the time Jeff fucked me on the floor of his [parents'] living room. While his friend listened in. And while, I have no doubt, his mom watched from the kitchen." (Reading is believing.)

I give to you, All That Is This.

I think someone has a wee little self-image problem.

Fat People Should Not Talk Shit

2006-05-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the blob of a human being who has been trying to pick on us. I can see why she has decided to become the spokesperson for the Fat People Against People Making Fun Of Fat People. Look at this whale. I assume she will also take offense to anyone who makes fun of ugly girls with yellow teeth. I think her time would be better spent on the treadmill than stalking our blog.

Oh yeah, next time, don't take a picture of yourself squeezing out a shit. On second thought, don't take a picture of yourself. And please, please, please DO NOT PROCREATE. Do not assault this world with your bad genetic material.

Don't End Up Manbequed

2006-05-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

I was at the airport last week, and I saw someone who missed his flight.

He was wandering around on the tarmac with his luggage, possibly trying to thumb a ride on a plane.

You might be wondered what it means to be manbequed.

Just ask that guy.

Taking BBQ Too Far

2006-05-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

I love BBQ so much, that one day I decided to incorporate BBQ sauce with another activity I love. Bumping and Grinding. To quote one of my favorite artists, Bobby Brown, "I don't see nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind."

I must admit that I bump and grind as a solo act. I have not found anyone or any BBQ grill suitable to be a manbeque companion.

Somehow, the BBQ sauce came in contact with my bunghole. I got into the bathtub faster than you can say, "Chuck Norris is a bad ass".

It burned. Oh how it burned. It felt like hot bbq coals where in my bunghole! It stung like the fire that lights the BBQ grill! How could something so wonderful, hurt me so good? Yes, I admit, it hurt so good.

I am writing to you while standing up. You see, the BBQ sauce seems to have created a semi-permanent burn in my delicate manhole area. The burn is only on the outside. Thank god I did not BBQ shish-cabobs, as I have a feeling the burn would have been much deeper inside me.

Loserville

2006-05-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

Once I knew a large, round fat man. One might assume such a large, round fat man would be jolly. This man was not jolly. He was pitiful. Not only was he fat and pitiful, he was also a complainer and a whiner. Fat people need to know their place in society. If you are fat, you MUST be funny. You have to work extra hard so that society can get over the fact that you have no self control because you overindulge.

Anyway, this man, we shall call him "Justin". "Justin" continued through his early 20's as someone who blamed others for his misfortunes. He never full realized that he was a loser, but rather lived in denial. I also must mention his teeth. They were crammed in his mouth, overlapping, furry, and yellow. I believe there were a few brown spots on his teeth. (I know that you are thinking, perhaps the brown spots were pieces of bbq that got stuck. As a certified expert in manbeque, I can certify these brown spots were NOT bbq).

One day, "Justin" decided that being a lonely loser was no fun. He decided to put a profile on match.com. Of course he lied, but so did the future woman of his dreams, "Vicki". "Justin", a fat disgusting pig with bad oral hygiene, and "Vicki", a skinny, pimpley, brown toothed ex-prostitute shacked up in a dirty apartment. "Vicki" has a daughter from a previous hookup, and "Justin" plays step daddy. They live a white trash life where they will continue to buy McDonald's over toothpaste.

Curtains of Beef

2006-05-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I started dating this girl.

Things got hot and heavy--like a Manbeque--and I let my fingers do the walking. Right into her pants.

And little did I know, but the girl was blessed with gigantic beef curtains. Beef curtains so large that I was lost down there. Nothing felt right, and there's no other way to put it, but I just didn't know where the hole was.

The most tragic part of this beefy story is that she thought women who weren't blessed with beef flaps were ugly. She would look at a Playboy and see some rather modest, airbrushed beef curtains, and remark, "She is so ugly down there. I bet she wishes she had what I have."

Number of times I went down on her?

Zero.

A thought

2006-05-10T17:40:00.001-07:00

Maybe black guys could pay their child support if they stopped spending their money on Bluetooth headsets.

FLASH INTRO

2006-05-09T18:15:00.001-07:00

slowly in the background "eye of the tiger" begins to play an image of chuck norris presents its strong self to the audience

as quickly as he appears, he disappears for he is chuck norris

a motherless child is heard crying from the distance

the music switches to kelly clarkson "hear me" as a picture of a gleaming stainless steel bar-be-que appears strikingly and convincingly displaying manhood

bar-be-que's are not nearly as fast as chuck norris... for the bar-be-que remains on the screen longer... giving men a chance to salivate and gaze upon its beauty...

then the bar-be-que and chuck norris begin a fight... it is a fierce battle with lots of big black boners...

as quickly as it begins, the two recognize the sheer stupidity of the fight... they partner together and begin to make love

the music switches to the "emo song"

suddenly, 9 seconds later (bar-be-que and chuck norris do not wait 9 months), something is born... a beautiful man... a strong man... a powerful man is born...

chuck looks at bar-be-que, he smiles... bar-be-que strokes chucks beard.. at that moment they know and both say at the exact same time... "we shall call him Man-be-que"

Man-be-que quickly realizes his importance in this world... he is a chosen one... as quickly as he is born he transforms himself into a concept

that concept is what we experienced that sunday April 30. Grilling. Beer. Vodka. Salad. Rum. Leather Jackets. Chicken. Sausages.

Conceptual Existentialist Extenstions of this concept were borne throughout the world after Sunday. Men all around the world embrace what we now call "man-be-que".

Extensive Google research has resulted in no firm definitions or usage of man-be-que before sunday April 30.

Therefore, we recognize Sunday April 30 as the birthday of Man-be-que. However, man-be-que is not restricted by annual celebrations. It is a continual celebration of manhood. Of domination. Of beauty. Of biceps. and of everything else men stand for in this world.

Man-be-que does not need dashes. It can be manbeque or man-be-que. No rules. No shirts. No problems. Just manbeque.

Congratulations boys, we have begun something so powerful. We cannot fathom its importance and its curiosity in this world. However, we are a part of it. We will help it grow. Help it touch every man in the world so that he can touch a woman where she pees.

Where?

2006-05-08T10:37:00.001-07:00

Where is Papa Dusty?

No wait. Let me be more specific?

Where is Papa Dusty eating?

Boys, learn the ways of Awesometown

2006-05-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

blogger.com

user: manbeque
pass: ********

Shut up.

2006-05-02T18:32:00.001-07:00

This is awesome.